When Fangirls Attack!
by ElvenSailorGirl
Summary: What does fangirls plus a wormhole generator plus Legolas equal? A crazy documentary!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Legolas, Minas Tirith or any other LOTR person, place, thing, or idea that is used within the body of this fic. Everything except the troop of 'fangirls' belongs to the estate of JRR Tolkien.

Author's Note: This is based on a script written by my RL friends and me during a sleepover while under the influence of Diet Coke and Chips Ahoy!. This was written for fun, and to blow off doing AP Lit work. It's not meant to be considered a serious Fanfic. The names are all made up because I'm too paranoid to use real names.

_**When Fangirls Attack!**_

_**Part One: Setting the Stage, AKA the unimportant, and rather unfunny introductory chapter**_

"Samantha! Hurry up! The popcorn is getting cold!" Monique yelled at her friend who was still puttering about in the kitchen.

"Alright, alright, I'm coming. Geez, don't have a cow, Mo." Samantha responded as she exited the kitchen and threw herself on the couch.

"Well, cold popcorn is nasty. And the movie is about to start," Monique stated. "I've wanted to see Lord of the Rings for forever, you know that. You know how strict my parents are at home. There's no way they'd let me sit in front of the TV for three straight hours to watch a movie."

"I know, I know. That's why you're here all weekend. So you can see them all."

"True." Monique tilted her head to the side as a gesture of agreement. "It's starting."

The two girls fell silent as the Fellowship of the Ring began to play on Starz. It was that exact moment that rain began to fall. Not only did the noise of it nearly drown out Galadriel's opening, it also began to wreak havoc on the satellite signal. The TV paused.

"Don't you dare…," Samantha threatened the TV as it went to an acquiring signal screen.

"Obviously the TV doesn't listen very well, Sam." Monique teased her friend.

"Obviously," Samantha agreed.

**"**So, what do we do now? Your DVD player is broken; if it wasn't we could watch them on DVD, but it is."

"I dunno…"

"Who's using the computer upstairs? We could mess around on it."

**"**Kat's using it," Samantha muttered. "Wait! I know!"

"This sounds like you're having a 'eureka' moment. Should I be scared?"

"That depends on your definition of scared. Should you be worried? Yes. Should you run away screaming? No."

"You knew what I meant!"

"I know, but you're so easy to bug. You make it way too much fun for me…"

"Yes, I'm sure I do. What was your idea anyway?"

"We could watch my copy of the documentary!"

"What documentary?"

"You'll see if we watch it."

"OK. I'm game."

"Alrighty then!" Samantha said, half walking, half dancing to the VHS player. She squatted down beside it, and rummaged through the pile of VHS tapes.

"Aha! Found ya," Samantha exclaimed, standing back up with an unlabeled VHS tape in hand. "Let's get started!"

She popped the tape into the VHS player, and pressed play.

"Gimme some of that popcorn, Mo." She said, plopping down onto the couch.

The opening credits played, or rather were held up on poster-board cards in front of a camera.

"Who made this? It's so cheap!" Monique asked.

"Just watch it, okay! I'll explain it later."

"Alright…"

So the girls settled into watching the video in silence. Samantha was trying to refrain from giggling because of knowing what was to come, and Monique was refraining from asking any more questions as to who the makers of the video were.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Legolas, Minas Tirith or any other LOTR person, place, thing, or idea that is used within the body of this fic. This was written for fun, and to blow off doing AP Lit work. It's not meant to be considered a serious Fanfic. Note the category of parody. Everything except the troop of 'fangirls' belongs to the estate of JRR Tolkien.

_**When Fangirls Attack!**_

_**Part Two: Documentaries, AKA what can happen when your parents are scientists**_

The credits continued to pop up on poster-board, until finally one said "And now for our Feature presentation!"

The poster board was lowered, only to reveal Samantha's basement staircase. Whoever was holding the camera must have forgotten to turn the thing off, considering that the following second, the image pitched downward to give a lovely view of the floor and the cameraperson's feet. The camera wobbled uncontrollably, though it really didn't matter considering the floor was a uniform lime carpet, courtesy of the previous owners of the house.

"Man, this is wicked cool. Where did you get this stuff?" A voice from off camera whispered.

"My parents are scientists. Duh. You knew that." The voice was Samantha's.

"Yeah, but don't they have a lab for this type stuff?" The first voice again.

"Sure, but this is the stuff that's broken."

"So, what good is it?" A third voice piped in.

"Well, when I say broken, I don't mean BROKEN, I mean functional, but not for what it should be. All this stuff does something. We've got a neat plasma cutter thing that makes great potato chips."

"What drugs are you on? And where the hell can I get some!?"

"I swear it's true. Normally, I can't get down here, but I figured out the lock last week. I give it two weeks before my 'rent's figure it out. For scientists they're really not all that intelligent."

"So what are we looking for, anyhow?" the disbelief in the voice was obvious.

"Over here. And turn the camera back on."

The camera was hoisted upwards, and the room came into view. The walls were lined with boxes full of stuff; there was no other word to describe it. One box simply held a metallic box that began buzzing at random intervals as the girls walked around the room. Another held a bunch of pointy things that Monique would have bet her life would do some physical damage.

"Here it is! Come on!" Samantha shouted from the corner of her basement.

The camera turned and there Samantha was standing by an over-sized rectangle of white metal. She was moving boxes away from the rectangle. A short blondish girl ignored Samantha to go poke the rectangle. It wobbled dangerously.

"Erin, be careful! This thing is easy to tip over." Samantha's statement was almost scolding in tone.

"Sorry! Not like I knew that…"

"True."

A dark haired girl came forward to look at the rectangle. She didn't touch it, or even get all that close to it. "What does it do?"

The camera wobbled again, and another blond entered the picture. She must have been the camera girl. "Yeah, what DOES this do?"

"Well, Emily, It's an adjustable wormhole. You can go just about anywhere. To the galaxy far, far away, or to Japan, or even to Middle-Earth."

"Yeah right, Sam. Do you think we're stupid?" This comment came from the camera girl.

"I'm completely serious, Sierra. Wanna see?"

"Heck yes!"

Samantha meddled with the side of the rectangle, carefully. She stepped away from the side of the rectangle, and a portal appeared. It was difficult to see, since it wasn't colored, but the wall behind the rectangle was distorted.

"Who wants to go first?" Samantha asked.

"Why don't you go first, Sam?" The camera girl offered. The other two nodded.

"Alright. Don't forget the camera."

Samantha stepped into the rectangle and disappeared. The other girls stared after her with flabbergasted looks, and one by one followed her through the rectangle.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Legolas, Minas Tirith or any other LOTR person, place, thing, or idea that is used within the body of this fic. This was written for fun, and to blow off doing AP Lit work. It's not meant to be considered a serious Fanfic. Note the category of parody. Everything except the troop of 'fangirls' belongs to the estate of JRR Tolkien.

_**When Fangirls Attack!**_

_**Part Three: Accidents AKA Why it is never a good idea to bring a fangirl into their fandom**_

Monique laughed. This 'documentary' was insane. She'd always known Sam to be an obsessive freak about any movie she liked, but this went beyond everything.

"What is it Mo?" Samantha queried.

"You're nuts. How did you rope all the girls into helping you make this?"

"I'll explain later. Just keep watching."

The camera was just emerging from the wormhole as Sierra walked through it. Samantha looked at Sierra pointedly.

"See! I wasn't lying. And I'm not crazy."

Sierra snorted at that. "Yes, you are. You just aren't as crazy as I thought."

"Well, gee, thanks."

"You're welcome."

"So what do you guys want to do?"

Emily spoke up. "I'd like to know where I am."

"We're in Minas Tirith, after the War of the Ring."

Sierra got an evil look in her eye. "Do you think Legolas is around?"

"I dunno. Why?"

"Let's get video footage of him."

Erin and Emily just rolled their eyes as Samantha stared at Sierra. "He'd hear us. He's got those super elf ears and all."

"So we can't even try? What's the worst that could happen? We have to run like bats out of hell to get back here?"

Samantha said nothing for a moment. Then she sighed and nodded to Sierra. "Fine, let's go."

Samantha motioned for Sierra to give her the camera. As Sierra handed it over, the picture shook and gave a lovely view of what would have been Minas Tirith during an earthquake.

"Just be quiet and careful, and we should be alright."

The four girls headed off with Samantha in the back of the group. The image of the three girls ahead of Samantha creeping along in Minas Tirith reminded Monique of Elmer Fudd. Suddenly the screen went black for a second or two. Apparently Samantha had turned it off during their hunt. After the color came back to the screen, Monique saw a head of hair that didn't belong to Erin or Sierra. She poked Samantha.

"Who is that?"

"You'll see."

Monique turned her attention back to the TV screen. Sierra, Samantha, and Erin were all dragging a body back towards the wormhole. Emily was apparently filming this part.

"I didn't think we'd find him." Samantha admitted.

"So why did we go looking?" Erin asked irately.

"Because Sierra would have griped if we didn't."

"And why are we dragging the body of an unconscious Legolas back to the wormhole?"

"Because he's too heavy for me to carry alone!" Sierra whispered viciously.

"What are we going to do with him?" Emily asked from behind the camera.

"I don't know yet." Sierra said. "Keep him in a shrine for hero worship, maybe?"

"I don't know why I'm friends with you, Sierra." Samantha muttered.

"Because you love me in a platonic way."

"Good point."

"We're almost there, guys." Emily said.

The remainder of the short trip was made in silence until they made it back through the wormhole. When they got through, Samantha, Sierra, and Erin all collapsed on the floor. Sierra was the first to rise, she left the view of the camera and returned with rope. Samantha looked at Sierra questioningly.

"So he won't escape." Sierra explained.

Samantha sighed, got up and fiddled with the wormhole creator so that the wormhole disappeared. "Where is he going to go?" Samantha asked.

"I dunno, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

"Just make sure to get him out of here."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Legolas, Minas Tirith or any other LOTR person, place, thing, or idea that is used within the body of this fic. This was written for fun. It's not meant to be considered a serious Fanfic. Note the category of parody. Everything except the troop of 'fangirls' belongs to the estate of JRR Tolkien.

_**When Fangirls Attack!**_

_**Part Four: Hero Worship and Explanations AKA Why fangirls are not well loved**_

Yet again Monique found herself fighting back laughter. She had no idea what was wrong with her friends. Not that it mattered, but it was still a good question.

"It's almost over, Mo. I'll explain then."

"Ok, whatever you say, Sam."

The next scene shown was of Sierra's bedroom, which was painted a deep red. The camera was set up on a tripod, because all four girls were in frame along with their captive elf. Samantha looked at Sierra funny.

"Remind me WHY we're wearing our Monty Python Monk costumes from last Halloween?" asked Samantha in an exasperated voice.

"We're going to do a worship ritual" was Sierra's only reply.

"Why did I let you talk me into this?" Erin asked. "For that matter HOW did you talk me into this?"

"Blackmail is a lovely thing."

"Oh right, that's how. Alright, whatever, Sierra let's just get on with this."

"Well I'm kind of making it up as I go…"

"WHAT!?" screamed Erin, Emily and Samantha.

Legolas groaned from the noise. He sat up, looked around and promptly began to speak Elvish at them at a quite rapid pace.

"Didn't you learn Sindarin, Sam?" Sierra queried worriedly.

"Attempted to. And I only knew a few words. I could count to ten and say Father and Mother. I have absolutely NO idea what he's saying."

"Maybe we should knock him out again…" Suggested Emily.

During their conversation, Legolas had attempted to leave the room, only to find himself tied up.

"Don't bother trying to get out," Emily said to Legolas with a sigh, "Samantha tied those knots. The only way they'll come off is to cut them off."

"I don't think he understands you." Sierra stated.

"I know, but I still feel bad for him."

"We should take him back." Sierra sounded regretful.

"Yeah, probably."

"Can I kiss him goodbye?"

"Sierra, I think he'd probably bite you if you tried…"

"Good point."

The screen went black and the group was back in Samantha's basement.

"So what now?" Sierra was standing off from the group, but as she asked she came closer.

"I say we get rid of the rope, and take him back through the wormhole, and hope and pray he doesn't try to kill us at any stage of returning him to Minas Tirith." Erin suggested.

"Works for me," was the simultaneous response of the other three.

"Ok so let's do it."

The four girls began removing the rope from around the again unconscious Legolas' feet and hands, and Samantha scurried over to the wormhole generator and turned it on. She immediately hurried back to Legolas and helped lift him through the wormhole as Emily followed behind with the camera.

Once again they were in Minas Tirith, but they didn't explore or even move 30 feet from the wormhole. They went about ten feet, and set down Legolas as gently as possible, and hightailed it back through the wormhole. As Samantha went to turn it off, Sierra let out a crazy grin.

"Hey, why don't we go visit Captain Jack Sparrow?"

"NO!" was the resounding response.

"Hey you guys, what are we going to do with all this video footage?" asked Emily from behind the camera.

"I dunno… I guess we could make a documentary out of it," said Erin.

"That could be fun. We could make credits and everything," Samantha remarked, nodding.

The screen then went black and stayed that way. Monique turned to Samantha, and looked at her questioningly.

"Are you sure you really want to know?'

"Let's see… YES!"

"Fine. The idea of taping it was just a joke but Sierra brought a camera, so we did. And everything just kind of happened after that…"

"Is that thing still in your basement?"

"Nope, My 'rents found out about my breaking into the basement, so they moved everything to a storage facility..."

"That sucks."

"But you didn't let me finish, they moved everything except that. The wormhole generator is in my room."

"How did you convince them to let you keep it? I mean you kinda broke into the basement to use it…"

"I guess they never expected me to break the lock… again. I'm not sure why but, they let me pick one thing I wanted, since I had lots of favorite stuff down there. I almost decided to keep the plasma cutter."

Monique looked at her with utter surprise. Samantha laughed.

"I'm kidding. I wouldn't have ever picked that over the wormhole generator, and they said alright when I picked it." Samantha shrugged

"So could we really go see whoever we wanted from any movie, book or time period?"

"Yep, who do you want to see?"

"Well, I don't know, but I'll figure it out!"

Both girls laughed as they headed towards Emily's room just as the rain stopped.

**FIN**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Legolas, Minas Tirith or any other LOTR person, place, thing, or idea that is used within the body of this fic. Everything except the troop of 'fangirls' belongs to the estate of JRR Tolkien and New Line Cinemas.

**NOTE:** I don't know Elvish or the actual language the Common tongue would be in Middle Earth, so the dialogue in this part is written in English with the understanding that the readers get that it isn't really English and don't ask me WHY Legolas didn't understand English when the girls spoke.

_**When Fangirls Attack!**_

_**Part Five: The Aftermath AKA The Real End**_

Legolas awoke in Minas Tirith, though he had no idea how he'd gotten there. The last thing he remembered was waking in a room surrounded by young human girls in odd clothes speaking an equally odd language. He stood and shook his head. He knew he wasn't hallucinating, but he had no explanation for what had happened. In fact, he couldn't even remember how he had come to be in that room anyway.

As Legolas walked up to the Citadel of Minas Tirith he saw Aragorn. Perhaps he would believe the utterly unbelievable story. It was Aragorn, however who initiated conversation.

"Legolas, where have you been?"

"I was captured…"

"Captured, by whom?"

"I somehow doubt you would believe me even if I did tell you."

"Well, I suppose you can only know that if you actually tell me what happened."

And with that Legolas recounted all of the story he could recall. As he finished, Aragorn let loose a long laugh.

"Very amusing, my friend."

"I do not lie. That is what happened, though I fear there is some part of the tale I do not remember."

"You, kidnapped? With your elven ears and eyes, forgive me if I find the story a stretch. But come, there are plans to be made."

Legolas sighed. He had a feeling this was something Aragorn would not let him forget.

* * *

Thanks for reading I hope you got a giggle from it.

ElvenSailorGirl


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